


She's not afraid

by marvelliz



Series: Bucky Barnes oneshots [3]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But without smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kinda friends with benefits, Not really angst though, Oneshot, Songfic, also everyone lives happily in the avengers tower, by one direction, complicated relationship, like it's not that much, reader is an avenger, she's not afraid, they make out though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 18:30:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15802197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelliz/pseuds/marvelliz
Summary: He was in love with you, and he knew it was real. And he had to stop playing this game with you before he got really, really hurt.Or in which you and Bucky have a rather complicated relationship, and Bucky starts to think you’re only messing with his feelings right now. But maybe you’re just scared to fall in love with him.Based on the song ‘She’s not afraid’ by One Direction





	She's not afraid

**Author's Note:**

> I originally posted this fic on Tumblr for @tomsfireheart and @spideymood's writing challenge. The prompt was 'How do you manage to piss me off and make me fall more in love with you at the same time?' with Bucky, but as I was writing, I listened to the song 'She's not afraid' by 1D and it affected the story a little bit (a lot, it affected it a lot;) Hope you enjoy, guys! ~ Liz

Friday night. Or as you liked to call it: Party night.  
Since you had joined the team, you and Natasha had made it your mission to get everyone to at least once a week go dancing in a club. At first, nobody was really fond of the idea, but you were pretty convincing. “C’mon, it’s a good team building exercise!”  
It wasn’t in itself a great argument, but nobody could resist your puppy-eyes.  
Besides, when they had refused the first time, you and Natasha had snuck out like teenagers and come home so drunk that they’d decided that at least someone had to keep an eye on you two.  
Bucky himself wasn’t very fond of dancing – that was, not this kind of dancing. He rather spent the time drinking, although he couldn’t really get drunk, and talking to Steve. And watching you.  
Tonight, you were wearing a tight dress with a low-cut black top and red wrapped-up skirt. The dress hugged your body in all the right places, and Bucky couldn’t keep his eyes of you. You were dancing as if nobody was watching, arms in the air and moving your body in sensual, almost sinful movements. For one night in the week, you loved to completely let yourself go.  
Bucky couldn’t blame you for it, as life as one of the Avengers was sometimes quite stressful.  
One of the guys surrounding you whispered something in your ear, something that made you laugh. Maybe it should’ve made him jealous, but it didn’t. He didn’t have the right to be jealous anyway. You weren’t his, not officially. There wasn’t really a status on your relationship with him.  
You locked eyes with him, a flirtatious smile playing around your red-painted lips, and he knew he didn’t have anything to worry about. Whether the boys – who were trying so hard to get your attention – knew it or not, he would be the one to take you home. 

Saturday night. Or as you liked to call it: Movie night.  
This one had been Tony’s idea. At first it was because he wanted Bucky and Steve to see some famous movies they had missed, but it quickly became a weekly activity for the whole team.  
It certainly was one Bucky looked out for all week, but that had nothing to do with the movies themselves.  
“Are you sure you can take it, doll?” Bucky nudged you playfully with his elbow. You were perched together on a rather small loveseat, since the rest of the team had banished you of the big couch. Geez, he wondered why.  
Your eyes twinkled when you looked up at him. “I’m not afraid of scary movies, Barnes. In fact, I’m more worried about you.” You winked at him. “But you can hold my hand, if you’re too scared.”  
He grinned, even though his stomach fell at your flirtatious behaviour. Every time you did that, he fell more in love with you, but every time he tried to tell you, you waved it off. Said it wasn’t real.  
But it was.  
He was in love with you, and he knew it was real. And he had to stop playing this game with you before he got really, really hurt.  
Those words were still in his head when not even ten minutes later his lips were on yours, kissing you as if his life depended on it – it felt like it was. One way or another, you always ended up like this on movie night, your warm body pressed against his chest and hands in his hair, lips devouring each other and a lot of swallowed moans. Bucky knew how much you liked the kick of kissing in the dark, with all of your friends surrounding you, trying to go unnoticed.  
The team never addressed it, but Bucky knew they did notice. So when Tony subtly turned up the volume, he smiled against your lips.

Sunday morning. You didn’t call it anything, because you mostly slept until noon.  
Bucky however, loved waking up early, taking a run with Sam and Steve in the park and afterwards having a lazy breakfast, since not only you, but most of the team was still asleep.  
“How was last night, Buck?” Steve sounded almost worried, and Bucky couldn’t pretend he didn’t know why.  
Sam rolled his eyes. “Yeah, could you guys maybe be a little quieter next time? I think I’m gonna have nightmares if this keeps going on.”  
Bucky ignored him. Instead, he just shrugged and took a sip from his latte. “Same as ever. I guess we’ll keep playing this game for a while.”  
Sam thought about it for a moment. “Maybe she’s just scared you’re gonna break her heart.”  
“If anything, she’s the one breaking mine.” He huffed. Sometimes Bucky just couldn’t believe how the man had grew on him. They still bickered from time to time, but to be honest, Sam was a great friend. “And Y/N is not afraid of anything. Those are her exact words.”  
“I wouldn’t be too sure about that.” Steve stood up and leant against the counter while waiting for his cup to refill. “I think she’s afraid of falling in love with you.”

Monday morning. Or as you liked to call it: The Morning The Devil Invented To Torture Innocent Human Souls.  
You weren’t particularly fond of Monday mornings.  
Bucky wasn’t surprised when you entered the gym a little after ten. Steve had already left, Sam had a meeting this morning and Natasha was on a mission, so he was the only one left. And now you.  
Late as ever, but you were here.  
He looked up from where he was wiping the sweat of his face with a towel. “Overslept?”  
“Pff, no.” A radiant smile adorned your beautiful face. “I always sleep this long, remember?”  
“I really don’t understand you.”  
You were standing in the doorway in nothing but a short and sportsbra, ready to train. Bucky let his eyes wander over your figure, then quickly looked away as not to be caught staring. You noticed nonetheless, and winked at him. “Like what you see, Barnes?”  
He huffed, which made you laugh. “Let’s fight.”  
“You’re too late, doll, I just finished my training. Guess you should wake up earlier next time.” He stood up, taking a gulp from his bottle before turning away from you. He hated that he felt so weak around you.  
“You just don’t dare to fight with me, because you know I can beat your ass.”  
Fast as lightning, he turned back to you, and he knew you had won. He was not really that competitive, only when it came to you. “What did you say?”  
A smirk played around your lips. “You don’t dare to fight with me.”  
He narrowed his eyes. Then shook his head.  
Remembering what Steve had said yesterday, about how you might be scared to love him back, he decided to not go into this … whatever it was. He was frustrated, because what if Steve was right? And what frustrated him even more; maybe Steve was completely wrong. Maybe you didn’t love him, would never love him, and maybe this was all just a game to you.  
He resisted the urge to go in on your invitation. “I’m gonna take a shower.”

Bucky knew something had changed when he got out of the showers. One of his t-shirts had disappeared. In a short and bare chest, he stepped out in the gym, where you were doing some stretching. “Doll, have you seen … “  
You turned with an innocent smile on your lips, but his eyes immediately went to your chest. Or rather, to the shirt that you were wearing.  
“What’s wrong, Bucky?” Faked innocence coated your words like honey, and maybe he was just stressed out, or overly frustrated, but you in his shirt made the blood boil in his veins.  
He loved the game, but he was sick of it. He was tired of you playing with his feelings, he was tired of feeling like a puppet in your hands. Maybe, maybe it was time to move on. Maybe it was better to be with no one at all, than to be with you, with the knowledge that you didn’t – or didn’t want to – return his feelings.  
It took him only two seconds to cross the gym, and in no time he was hovering over you. “Give it back, Y/N.”  
The glint in your eyes turned from teasing to challenging. With your hands on your hips, you looked up at him, not being intimidated by his stature. Not like other people. You knew him too well to be scared of him, even when his eyes were as dark as they were now. “You’ll have to fight me for it.”  
He looked you straight in the eyes and you stared right back at him, refusing to be the first one to back away. Then Bucky sighed, taking a step away from you and closing his eyes for a second.  
You realized that maybe you had taken it too far this time.  
He shook his head. “Damn, Y/N.” His hand brushed through his hair and a low chuckle fell from his lips, but his eyes were sad when they found yours again. “How do you manage to piss me off and make me fall more in love with you at the same time?”  
“Bucky …”  
“No.” He held up his hand, motioning for you to be silent. “I’m talking now, so please listen to me. For once.” His eyes were almost pleading as he examined yours. “I love you. And I know you think it’s not real, but it is. I really love you.”  
He took a deep breath when he searched his words. “And I think you love me too.”  
Maybe Steve was right. Your eyes were wide and your terrified expression almost frightened him. Maybe you were afraid.  
“Bucky, I don’t …”  
Or maybe you weren’t, and it really meant nothing to you at all.  
He shook his head. You didn’t even have to finish your sentence for him to know what you were going to say. Your voice sounded too cautious, too careful. It was a voice someone used to break up with their partner.  
Which wasn’t really fair, because you never were together like that.  
A sigh escaped his lips. “I can’t do this anymore, Y/N. I can’t do this while knowing that, no matter how hard I try, you’re never gonna see this as more than just a game.” It was a miracle to him that his voice didn’t falter. “So please, please don’t come back to me if I’m nothing more to you than a distraction. I don’t think I could handle it again.”  
He was almost at the door when you called after him. “Bucky!”  
Hope flared in his heart, even though he knew it was stupid. He turned back to you. “What?”  
Your features were clouded, but Bucky didn’t pay much attention to it as you played with the hem of his t-shirt. “You forgot your shirt.”  
Of course. What did he even think was going to happen?  
“You can keep it.”  
This time his voice did falter.

Monday evening. He couldn’t bring himself to wonder what you would call a Monday evening.  
In fact, Bucky tried not to think about you at all.  
But he failed miserably.  
He didn’t see you at lunch or dinner, and was secretly relieved. Not out of spite or heartbreak, but because he thought that if he saw you again so soon, he would immediately come back on his decision. You just had to ask something and he would be right at your feet.  
Steve immediately understood what had happened, and even though he loved you as a sister, he knew it was for the better. Bucky loved you, but you simply weren’t ready to admit your feelings, and that was neither your fault, nor Bucky’s. And when you would be ready, Steve would be there to support you.  
So now, Bucky was simply laying on his bed, failing not to think about you. Whatever he tried, his thoughts went in circles, always coming back to the same person.  
You used to call him late at night, even when you had just seen him mere minutes before. It never bothered him, because those were the times he knew you were real with him. You would tell each other things you told no one else, because whatever happened between you two, you always trusted each other to have your back, and to keep your secrets.  
He thought that’s why he fell in love with you. Not because of the sneaky kisses in the dark, or the playful flirting, or the hot make-out sessions in random rooms, where more than once someone had come in totally unexpected. That one was mostly Vision, and Bucky was almost sure you had given him a trauma.  
No, he had fallen in love with you because you were his best friend, the one he trusted the most, the one who was always there for him when he needed it. He had fallen in love with the way your nose scrunched when he made you laugh, with your eyes that always told him everything was going to be fine. With your smile that lit up his whole world.  
He didn’t want to let you go.  
He didn’t want to play this game anymore, but he also couldn’t lose you. You were too important to him.  
And Bucky was ready to fight for you if needed.  
Then a short ruffle sounded through the room. He stood up to open the door, groaning at the one to disrupt his moment.  
But the person in front of him … It was you. You looked smaller, your eyes a bit red and face flushed, as if you had cried. Was it bad he hoped you cried over him?  
“I think you were right.” Your voice didn’t show any hint at crying though, and a small smile crept over your mouth when you looked him straight in the eyes. Your eyes that glinted with uncertainty, but also with hope. Eyes that made Bucky’s heart flutter when you added: “I think I love you too.”


End file.
